barn_barn's Xanga

Indiana Jones

Sun, 25 May 2008 17:59:09 GMT

So you wonder how did they come up with the movie indiana jones something skull something something movie...ionno it was crappy so i dont remember its name.

So if you want to see this movie please watch the following movies and mesh them together:

National Treasure 2
Men In Black
The Mummy (the one with the pigmy people)

Grace and Mercy, so confusing

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 07:47:50 GMT

Oh help me to understand it,
Help me to take it in -
What it ment to Thee, the Holy One
To bear away my sin

V6- All About Love

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 09:18:58 GMT

This is a video/music group that my friend sent me from youtube. listen its good

The last few posts and prolly the next ones

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 07:00:26 GMT

The last few posts are not thought up by me because let's face it im not that witty or sick minded but i find them entertaining and thought i would share them.

Logic and the English Language

Sat, 22 Dec 2007 06:59:42 GMT

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let’s face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England.
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig
If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn’t the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible

And why it is that when I wind up my watch

It starts

But when I wind up this observation

It ends.

Spontaneous Game Show Responses

Tue, 18 Dec 2007 00:37:44 GMT

Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his
tail. What will a goose do?
A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.

Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water
long enough.

Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother’s womb, can you
detect light?
A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.

Q: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, you should be
at least how high?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q: True or false…a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes…

Q: You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably
a man or a woman?
A: Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you think he’s really attractive, is it okay to come out directly
and ask him if he’s married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you
get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to
say “I love you”?
A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and
a twenty.

Q: What are “Do It,” “I Can Help” and “Can’t Get Enough”?
A: George Gobel: I don’t know but it’s coming from the next
apartment.

Q: Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you
going to get any during your first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I’m too busy.
growing strawberries!

Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at
nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with
getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body
- what is it?
A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn’t
neglected!

Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than
150 pounds?
A: Charley Weaver: A divorcee.

Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for it’s sex?
A: Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car. The rest is up to him.

Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in
them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What
are they?
A: Charley Weaver: His feet.

Real Labels on Products

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 05:47:54 GMT

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dove soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it’s *just* a suggestion!)

On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
(The big one or the little one?)

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert:(printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! You lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure??? Let’s experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn’t that save more time?)
(Whose body?)

On Boot’s Children’s cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I’m curious.)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(have a lobotomy)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(What is this, a home castration kit?)

On a child’s Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(That’s right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

ONLY IN AMERICA!!

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 18:46:46 GMT

1. Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America……do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America……do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America……do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America……do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.

10. Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

11. Only in America……can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box and a draft dodger live in the White House.

For the Ladies (via a website)

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 18:21:57 GMT

SO yah i edited some/deleted for viewability: everything edited has been placed in bold

"Ok ladies, this is for you. Some of you just don’t know what it’s like to be a man, or know what a man wants. Now, while I admit we’re not as mysterious as women, there’s still some things you need to know. Your man may just be too scared to tell you, so F&J is gonna do it for them. Yep that’s us, standing up for men’s rights everywhere. wOOt.

1. If you’re cooking a special dinner for a man, be sure to include something from each of the four major male food groups: Meat, Fried, Drinks, and Red.
2. When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking.
* Unless the answer is yes.
* In which case, can he videotape it?
3. Any sort of injury involving the testicles is not funny. Seriously.
4. Don’t make him hold your purse in the mall. It does something to our manhood.
5. Shopping is not fascinating. Ever.
6. It is only common courtesy to leave the toilet seat up when you’re done.
7. If you really want a nice guy, stop dating good-looking assholes.
8. The man is always in charge of poking the campfire with a stick and/or tending the grill.
9. Trying to provoke a large, dangerous-looking felon from across the room is not funny.
10. Don’t hog the covers. Really.
11. If he has to sit through “Notebook”, you have to sit through “Into the Blue”.
12. “Fine.” is not an acceptible way to end an argument.
13. Money does not equate love. Not even in Nevada.
14. If you truly want honesty, don’t ask questions you don’t really want the answer to.
15. Of course he wants another drink

16. The guy doesn’t always have to sleep on the wet spot.
17. Dogs good. Cats bad. Grrrrrrr….
18. He does not want to be just friends.
19. Do not question a man’s innate navigational abilities by suggesting he stop for directions.
20. He was not looking at that other girl.
* Well, okay… maybe a little.
* Okay, so what! He was looking at her. Big deal. Like you never looked at another guy…
21. He is the funniest, strongest, best-looking, most successful man you have ever met. a) And all your friends think so too. Especially the cute ones.
22. Your (select appropriate item:) butt/boobs/hair/makeup/legs look fine. As a matter of fact, it/they look damn good. Stop asking.
23. Deleted
24. Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary in many of the fine bars and fraternities throughout the country, not all men are cretins deserving your contempt.
25. It is not necessary to discuss the heaviness of your menstrual flow with him.
26. Remember: that Nair bottle looks an awful lot like shampoo if left in the shower.
27. Deleted
28. Any attempt by a man to prepare food, no matter how feeble (ie: Microwaving a burrito, fixing Spaghetti, etc) should be met with roughly the same degree of praise a parent might shower upon their infant when it walks for the first time.
29. Those male models with perfect bodies are all gay. Accept it.
30. He heard you the first time. Honest.
31. You know, you can ask him out too… Let’s spread the rejection around a little.
32. Dirty laundry comes in several categories: Looks fine/smells fine, Looks fine/smells bad, Looks dirty/smells fine. Unless you intend to wash it, do not try to disrupt piles organized in this manner.
33. Yes, Alicia Keys/Jessica Alba/Megan Fox is prettier than you. Just like Brad Pitt/Antonio Banderas/Keanu Reeves is better looking than him. But since neither one of you is going to be dating any of these people, love the one you’re with.
34. Of course size matters, and boy does he have the grandaddy of them all.
35. His (fill in appropriate selections:) bald spot/beer gut/impossibly thick glasses/impotency/scabby rash, is cute.
36. Watching football is a major turn-on for you. But please wait until the halftime show to act upon that…
37. Deleted

Hope you enjoyed the more cleaner version!

I dont know what to make of this

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 18:18:16 GMT

A man wakes up with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open
his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins
and a glass of water on the side table. He sees his clothing
in front of him, all cleaned and pressed. He looks around the
room and sees it is in perfect order. So’s the rest of the
house. He takes his aspirins and notices a note on the table:

Honey,
Breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping.
I Love you.

He goes to the kitchen. Sure enough, a hot breakfast and the
morning newspaper await him. His son is also at the table,
eating. The man asks, “Son, what happened last night?”

His son says, “Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and
delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway,
and gave yourself a black eye when you walked into the door.”

Confused, the man asks, “So why is everything in order and
so clean, with breakfast on the table waiting for me?”

His son replies, “Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your pants off you shouted,

“LADY, GET YOUR DAMNED HANDS OFF OF ME! I’M MARRIED!”